利用者:DuranteGaona822
出典: くみこみックス
Affair Surviving? 5 Tips For Surviving an Affair!
The horrible gut wrenching feeling knowing your husband has an affair can be a poison which will infect every part of your life. The questions you ask yourself and the self doubt wear you down night after night. "Do I throw him out?", "can I ignore it and time will heal?", "did I fail him?", "can I save my marriage?". All these things and more tell you the mind, making you angry, sad, scared and depressed. It doesn't ave to be this way however! Affair surviving is possible and may be carried out by you with a few things right such as these tips about surviving an affair.
1. Know the affair is not your fault.
While it can feel you will probably have done a problem which has driven him into the arms of another woman this is never true! While both of you might have made mistakes, (and who honestly hasn't!) the truth from the matter is the fact that he mad careful analysis have an affair! This means he is the one that reaches fault regardless of circumstances!
Your husband makes a decision with different selfish desire to run away from the problem instead of solving it. The affair is a temporary indulgence in an emotional and physical neediness. The fact is that affairs are temporary things and hardly ever add up to anything solid between your two being unfaithful.
2. You have to discover precisely what type of affair is happening.
Affairs happen for various reasons just like people lead different lives and wish different things. Here are a few of the main excuses men use to warrant their affair.
My marriage helped me do that! I simply can't refuse! I just don't want to say no! I'm not in love anymore! Used to do it to get revenge on my spouse! I needed to prove to myself I am still attractive! I simply thought about being near to someone!
each of these excuses need different ways of being dealt with. Some are more related to his ego exclusively while some have more complex undercurrents. So that you can survive an affair you should know exactly what you are facing!
3. Find out what is internally driving him to the affair.
This follows on in the previous tip, when you will discover the main reason he might state is making them use an affair you need to delve deeper and find out what's really driving him!
You should know what drives your man, how his past has effected him decision making now, how he copes with relationships and more. How you do that will be different greatly only once you discover out what his issue is are you able to develop effective strategies with better decisions. You will also feel better knowing you have a clear road to follow which is his problem not your personal!
4. Ask yourself the challenging question.
Now that you've got exercised what's happening with your partner and understand him much more than you probably did before you need to ask a difficult question of yourself, "do want to stick with him?". When you probably answer yes immediately or you would not be looking over this guide only one time you have come to the conclusions you have after following a first 3 steps can you see this more honestly.
Basically you need to work out should you love him and want to stay with him or if you want to save your marriage according to your personal feelings of insecurities and neediness. While this may seem harsh if you would like him to tell the truth along with you you have to be honest with him and yourself, if you're trying to save a marriage based purely on selfish reasons could it be much of a marriage? When you are wondering this now it is best to find out about him first before you can look at this question logically!
What are the likelihood of saving your marriage?
what sort of affair you have from tip 2 constitutes a large effect on how easy it will be in order to save your marriage and may effect how you approach this issue. This is a quick guide, however small nuances in each situation can vary the outcome making this just a rough guide.
My marriage helped me do that! - tough to save. If he is occur his mind that the marriage is the problem then obviously it will likely be harder to get a healthy marriage back. I simply can't say no! - this really is purely his problem and it has a high probability of saving the wedding once he works it out. i simply don't want to say no! - less good. He's choosing very logically to possess this affair because he really wants it. This really is still an ego issue though and he may still want a marriage back once the reasons for his wanting an affair could be solved. Better then your first less good as the second type. I am not for each other anymore! - less bad because it sounds, he is wanting with this type and while he feels the love is finished the wedding may still have appeal. Rekindling love can change this around greatly! Used to do it to get revenge on my small spouse! - also less bad as it sounds. Angry and petulant but he still sees you as his wife otherwise he'd have simply tried for any divorce.
I desired to prove to myself i'm still attractive! - again more about his ego than your marriage. I just thought about being near to someone! - when there is distance in a marriage this may be problematic, this could be tough.
5. Predict the future
Once you are armed with all this information and can act onto it you will also be armed with an important skill; foresight. Making use of your new knowledge of your guy and his desires, shortcomings and needs you are able to predict what will take place in his affair and your marriage.
Using your knowledge predict if he will have another affair even if this one stops. Use your knowledge to calculate when the affairs are long term or simply one night stands. Predict what sort of affairs he is likely to have, physical, emotional or mental? Use this knowledge to see the future then act onto it!
Affair surviving could be a hard road regardless of what your choices however i hope these pointers on surviving an affair will arm you using the information you need to create the best decisions not only now but for long in to the future! best of luck!
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