The Dirty Dozen: Why We Do Not Want To Face Emotions

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1. Emotions Hurt. I not too long ago had a conversation with a buddy who some years ago lost her husband, her buddy and greatest buddy. At this point in her life, she would like to have yet another relationship. Even so, she knows that she is nonetheless grieving the loss of her husband. S...

Emotions! Emotions! For numerous people, feelings are not a favorite topic to feel about or talk about. There are many motives folks refuse to take a look at their feelings. The leading 12 or the dirty dozen are:

1. Emotions Hurt. I lately had a conversation with a buddy who some years ago lost her husband, her buddy and very best buddy. At this point in her life, she would like to have one more connection. Nonetheless, she knows that she is nevertheless grieving the loss of her husband. She talked about a weekend grief seminar that she attended and how considerably it hurt to bring up the feelings associated to her husband's illness and death. Her comment was, "I know that I want to operate by way of some much more of those emotions, but it hurts as well significantly!" She is not alone in resisting this. Several men and women are reluctant to take a look at emotions simply because it brings the sting of the discomfort back to their awareness and they feel it all over again. They would rather stroll around avoiding these bruises and scars than go via the process to heal them. The only problem with that technique is that these unresolved feelings are like a brick wall about their life and that wall is stopping a lot of wonderful experiences.

2. I will get Hurt again. All of us have had bumps and bruises in our life. They do not feel great! We usually don't forget that hurt and safeguard ourselves from getting hurt in the future. Why ought to we place ourselves in a comparable predicament, again, because we know we will be bruised one particular a lot more time? The assumption is that we'll be rejected, embarrassed, or fail once more and no matter how miserable and stuck we really feel, we're going to steer clear of that possibility. The worry of getting hurt or failing is such a large elephant that we cannot stroll around it. It stops us cold in our tracks! The panic is so enormous we can't take a step to overcome it. Even so, focusing on the unresolved hurt, instead of healing it stops us from trying some thing new a partnership, job, or our lifelong dream - simply because we are afraid of being hurt once more. So, this is a double-edged sword the worry of getting hurt stops us and as a result we cease ourselves from receiving one thing new in our lives.

3. I want to be Protected. At times we cling to the false belief that past experiences have taught us beneficial lessons about becoming secure. Once hurt never to be hurt once more! I've heard several pals comment that they had been no longer searching for a partnership, simply because it just wasn't worth the emotional turmoil. I had a buddy who spent 5 years adding 50 pounds to her body as a indicates to be safe - the logic was that if she were heavier and unattractive, she would not attract yet another companion and get hurt again. When she decided to take down the brick wall, the 50 pounds also melted away and a new, wholesome relationship emerged. Take into account that at times Secure is far more of a personally imposed prison, instead of a shelter or sanctuary. Safe is not Secure.

4. It has turn out to be a Habit to keep away from feelings, to stuff them. We are creatures of habit unconsciously carrying out the identical patterns of behavior just due to the fact that is the way we have always done things. We follow the same pattern when we get up in the morning to get prepared for perform shower, dress, consume breakfast, and so forth. This also applies to feelings. It becomes an accepted habit to inform ourselves that it's ok if Joe was rude, Mary forgot my birthday, my boss took credit for my concept, or Bob didn't preserve his promise. Any one particular of these items can produce feelings of anger, hurt, rejection, injustice or distrust. How do we deal with these emotions? Do we say, "Oh, that is all appropriate, I know he didn't truly mean to do that?" Do we make excuses for the other person's behavior even though refusing to acknowledge that there's smoke coming out of our ears simply because we are so upset? Placing a false smile on our face while seething inside is a habit that is detrimental to our well being. Pent-up emotions at some point explode or we grow to be ill since we have stuffed them. Take care of your self, deal with emotions, and live a healthy life.

five. Emotions are Messy and Out-Of-Control. We don't want to wreck our image. Who wants to be observed as a blubbering idiot? That is soooo not cool! For some, displaying feelings, specifically sad or painful ones is not acceptable. For some truly cool cats, showing any sort of feelings happy or sad - is not acceptable. Some men and women go via life in neutral - not getting exceptionally content or very, quite sad. They do not allow themselves to experience the extremes either way but select to keep the middle course where strong feelings do not exist. It really is cleaner that way. Everything stays in location and handle, like a super tidy home with every thing often perfectly in location. In those homes 1 usually wonders exactly where the stuff of everyday living is hidden. Likewise, with men and women living in neutral, one wonders whom this person is since there is no expression of feelings to indicate likes, dislikes, joy or sadness, or any other emotions exhibited by humans. There is absolutely nothing of the great complexity of a human getting to share and get pleasure from.

6. Feelings are Unexpected. Somebody trips our trigger, or pushes our button and our emotions rage. We uncover our anger flaring, our gut in a knot and a string of expressive words roaring out of our mouth. We discover we can't quit the string of words they flow like a flood with such force that we are stunned at the sound of our own voice. We all have trigger points and when the button is pushed we respond as if on automatic pilot. It takes place in an instant and the strength of the feeling drives us beyond our usual behavior. There is typically a person, a certain predicament, or a perceived injustice that serves as the trigger. Even so, this happens to all of us at one particular time or another. It is component of getting human.

7. Society tells us to be Logical and Affordable not emotional. Culture has taught to value science, math, logic and purpose. We have not been encouraged to notice and value feelings. Numerous individuals feel threatened by emotions strongly expressed. This is true whether or not it's raging anger with yelling and screaming or pure, glorious happiness - beaming with joy. When observing robust feelings, some folks are really uncomfortable and dont know how to respond to these extremes. They often do not know how to express their own feelings so they are uncomfortable when other people express these powerful feelings. This aversion to feeling is like getting stuck in neutral feeling little joy, tiny pain - just huddled in the mundane everydayness of living. In neutral, a single loses both the joys and sorrows of living. We are far more alive when we really feel and express the full range of feelings. Becoming conscious of feelings makes living a lot more intense and often that is the very reason we stay away from emotions. We are afraid the magnitude of feeling will overwhelm us.

8. Feelings Interfere With Life 1 can't perform, concentrate, focus, and so forth. when feelings are raging. Members of my family members recently had some well being challenges and in the midst of the illnesses I found my concentration lacking, my interest waning and a basic inability to function. When one has a concern about the wellness and properly-becoming of a loved 1, the priorities adjust and what was once crucial ceases to be of consequence. All that matters is the healing of the loved ones member. This type of intense feeling is draining, leaving you exhausted and without having energy. The ordinary functions of living look unimportant. In these scenarios, we can be expected to be pre-occupied and any person else who has seasoned this understands this.

9 We are in a Pity Party. Feeling sorry for oneself has a lot of rewards. It keeps you from really seeking at those emotions and doing something about them. Very possibly, it can bring lots of consideration from other people, who are sincerely interested in assisting you to get off the party wheel. For what happens in a pity party is that you do not want to cease the wheel. It is also much enjoyable to go round and round, wallowing link in the muck of feelings and maybe blaming an individual or something else for the predicament. I know this game and have played it sometimes for long periods of time and at times I've been powerful adequate to kick myself in the rear and boot myself out of it. This party is truly not a lot enjoyable, pretty depressing, and surely keeps one particular stuck in the mud. We're so focused on feeling sorry for ourselves that we can not see any options to producing the circumstance far better or any way of moving ourselves forward. We are very busy maintaining the party alive. Nevertheless, this is a destructive celebration and I encourage all to finish it.

10. There is a Advantage or Payoff to keeping feelings intact. When we hang onto unfavorable emotions, there is some advantage or payoff that we are finding from carrying out that. The query is "What is the advantage?" Sometimes getting hurt gets the interest of providing men and women, whereas if we are content we don't get as a lot sympathy. Even better, people do items for us they would not do if we were satisfied. Also, if we feel we do not have the ability to get that degree or a much better job, then it keeps us from putting ourselves at risk of failing. We proved we didn't fail, but we also proved that we were as well afraid to danger winning. The payoff - it keeps us specifically exactly where we are in comfy protected territory exactly where we by no means have to stretch and grow. This lack of choice could be a life-threatening payoff. It could hold us in circumstances in which we feel no excitement, fulfillment or meaning in our lives. How numerous times have you seen people who are like the living dead? They are walking by means of life without living. There is often a payoff for not facing feelings. Feeding the payoff is a worry that is larger and much more potent than taking actions for positive modify.

11. We don't realize the Advantages Of Healing feelings. Anger, rejection, or any other hurtful emotions are rocks that we are dragging through life. Occasionally if we've carried the bruise for a long time, they grow to be boulders that literally quit us from moving forward at all. We shut down our heart, make wimpy choices, fail to take action, and limit our choices and choices. They stop us from totally living our lives. We put on hold our prospective for a loving, fulfilling, happy life. Trust me, there are great rewards in healing.

12. We see no Hope of ever healing feelings. If we believe we can not heal them, we will most likely not even attempt. If we feel the hurtful ones are an inevitable part of our life and can not be changed, that will be our reality. Let's be real life will bring pain and it will bring joy. We can take the emotions from these experiences and use them to grow or we can use them to cease ourselves. Really feel it to heal it! Don't drag emotions up from the deep only to let them float in major of the water and sink your boat. Permit them to surface, notice them with the intent to heal them, and approach them until they heal. The process outlined in I.M. Heart operates. I've lived it. I am in procedure. Is it constantly easy, painless, and swift? No, it is a approach - just as life is a approach but the rewards of staying the course are great.